Teachers at North Pole Elementary School North are facing a crisis. After Santa announced that in place of lumps of coal, he would be putting environmentally friendly Solar Panels in Naughty kid’s Stockings. Santa’s announcement has left teachers faced with unruly behavior and complete chaos in their classrooms.
“I’m at my wits end,” stated Mary Lou Who, a fourth grade teacher at North Pole North. “My students are starting snowball fights during recess, doing unassigned reading on Global Warming, and they even skipped a day of school to protest climate change.”
“It has been a bit of a challenge,” agreed Walter Who, Principal at North Pole North. “We’re an environmentally conscience school district and we support renewable energy . However, Santa’s announcement created a sudden about face in our students’ behavior. Previously delightful children now want to be naughty!”
Teachers expected Santa to reverse his decision after witnessing the global naughtiness it has caused, but Santa is not backing down.
Santa explained that he first began thinking about making the switch to solar right before Christmas of 2016 when The Paris Climate Agreement was signed. While The North Pole didn’t have a formal representative at the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, Santa considers himself the global representative in setting the bar on what is naughty and nice for the environment. He knew it was only a matter of time before it was not only morally wrong to have coal be a part of Christmas, but the shrinking coal industry would make it impossible to procure coal.
“Putting aside the environmental benefits of not relying on coal,” Santa explained. “I also had to consider the economics. Global Citizens are more educated about the damage fossil fuels does to our health and our environment and demand to produce coal has shrunk significantly. There are just too many naughty kids (and adults) out there to cling to my outdated “coal in your stocking” business model.
Santa further explained that his elves no longer want to handle coal due to the multiple health hazards of breathing coal dust. He noted that his Workers Compensation policy costs were cut in half after he switched to putting Solar Panels in the Naughty stockings.
Most North Pole Independent School District parents agree with the assertion that Santa’s new policy is creating a disruption in their children’s education, but Agnes Grinch feels differently:
“My son is Green and I couldn’t be more pleased,” Mrs. Grinch stated proudly. “His deplorable naughtiness is creating the production of more solar energy, more clean energy, and creating a sustainable planet for the next generation.”
“Mrs. Grinch is spot-on,” agreed Santa. “Believe me, my reindeer and I have travelled to every single galaxy and there is No Planet B.”